Simple practices to use when things get tough

When we experience overwhelming stress and anxiety it’s easy to get ourselves into a place where we can’t see a way out, all we can focus on is the uncomfortable feelings, how awful this feels and the desperate need and desire for them to go away. The good thing is that feelings naturally peak and then subside but we often cause ourselves unnecessary angst by being impatient and trying to fast track the process or getting caught up in believing that we will feel like this forever. I have been here many times before and now when I feel anxiety or stress creeping in I do the following:

Become mindfully aware

One the best things I ever found when I was experiencing persistent anxiety was a book by John Forsyth and Georg Eifert called The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. The book explained (among many other great things) that our emotions are like waves; they rise and rise, eventually peak and then subside. When we are in the midst of anxiety and stress though we can easily fall into the trap of believing that our feelings might be this intense and unbearable forever. I remember the fear and worry I once had that I would feel like this all my life, even when I was an old lady! I also worried that my anxiety would get even worse. Of course this just caused my feelings to become more intense.

So, how did I move from this extreme sense of anxiety and fear and into a more neutral state? I’ve spoken before about the importance of accepting our feelings. I also learned to trust that I could ‘surf the wave’ of my emotions, I could feel them as they were, notice how they felt in my body, allow them to be there and then let them dissipate without interfering. I still practice this when I feel a pang of anxiety or notice that I am reacting negatively to everyday stress.

Tap into confidence and faith

When I was going through periods of anxiety it helped to hear about other people that had been through similar experiences and had come through the other side usually better for having the experience. For me, reading case studies in books such as the one mentioned above and other mindfulness and acceptance books including those by Dr Russ Harris helped me to believe that I too could manage my anxiety and that with practice I would get better and better at managing my emotions with awareness and kindness.

When I encounter difficult emotions now, instead of freaking out and making them worse I instead focus on the times that I have overcome feelings like these before. I write about my past successes and ask myself:

* What is it that is causing me emotional discomfort at the moment?
* What are the emotions and how do they feel in my body?
* How confident am I that I can manage these feelings and situation?
* Who can help me manage this situation/these feelings?
* What tools or activities can help me manage these feelings?
* Have I felt similar emotions before? When?
* What helped me manage these feelings and to start to feel good again?
* Who do I know or what stories have I heard about people who have been through similar things and have gotten through it?

Once I answer all of these questions I decide on some actions that I will take – it might be rereading a passage from you of my favourite acceptance and commitment therapy books, listening to a podcast or catching up with a friend who I know has been through something similar and was successful in getting through it.

Practice gratitude

Another simple yet effective strategy that has helped me and I have now done daily for years is writing a gratitude diary. Some days I write and write and others days I only manage one or two things that I feel grateful for – this might be the fact that I’m having a good hair day, even so I appreciate the crap out of that and get on with things knowing that tomorrow I will have another chance to look around my life and be grateful. Once, I have written my gratitude list I include a few intentions about the day ahead (or the next day if I write in the evening). At times of high stress or anxiety I might set the intention to be aware of my emotions and ride their wave or to remind myself that this too shall pass. Other days my intention might be to speak more kindly to myself, eat foods that nourish my body and mind or to add some gentle movement into my day.

If you found this article helpful you might like to download my free infographic about calming worry and anxiety.